Vice Presidential Handlers Lure Cheney Into Traveling Crate | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Vice Presidential Handlers Lure Cheney Into Traveling Crate | The Onion - America's Finest News Source: "
Vice Presidential Handlers Lure Cheney Into Traveling Crate
Vice Presidential Handlers Lure Cheney Into Traveling Crate
JANUARY 13, 2009 | ISSUE 45•03

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WASHINGTON—A team of nine specially trained handlers have successfully lured outgoing vice president Dick Cheney into a reinforced steel traveling crate in order to transport him back to his permanent enclosure in Casper, WY, official sources reported Monday. 'He's a smart one. Once he sees the crate, he gets pretty nippy, but we've learned a few tricks over the years,' chief VP wrangler Ted Irving breathlessly said while applying pressure to a deep gash on his forearm. 'If we break a rabbit's legs and throw it in there, he will eventually go in to finish it off. Doesn't work with dead rabbits, though. Cheney only eats what he kills.' Irving "

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